I can dream high.

by limmie

My Aussie Dream has ended.
Took me long enough to say this out. To myself at least. Like a Surely.

Ed Note: I am using my computer to generate this out right now. I am damn right sure about and serious about whatever I am typing, as of now, 2310. (YEAH I MISSED THE 1111 THINGY.)

On a serious note.
During the interview. I fumbled. Caught myself once, saved myself from the panel. Saw the disapproval look turning satisfied. Then I tripped myself again. It was a permanent disapproval from then on.

A call to Cheong. Then another to Shimin.
It took me long enough, and a bad impression, to actually make me think, Why did I have to lie for that interview?

Wanting

-pause. I lost all my thoughts right now. Why do I take over things that people .. So excited for the trips, I did so much searches, happily. Yet again and again all this obstacles pop up and then when we finally settled a trip. I cannot handle disappointments.

I am back. Still dazed. With Dream High on replay. (NOT my speakers.)

There’s this internal struggle. heart wise.
They both listen to my crap.
But advice wise, it is two very different story.
One makes me feel like crap first, at the end of the day, there might be some sense. The other is just encouraging.

I was all thinking about how I have subconciously actually decided that Australia isnt a good idea for me just yet. How I probably impulsively decided on a new path because of the stress during intern. How much I yearn to be back in Australia. That was me dreaming.

And thinking too much. DREAMING too much.

And then back to reality, DURING the interview. Answers I wanted to honestly give.
What’s wrong studying Engineering? I can see myself with that degree, with no end point in sight, but having that determination to get through a local Uni. 

“There is so many careers I can choose from after.”

I hate how much I hear myself saying.
Because what am I working hard for? Getting that degree.
At the end of the day, what am I expecting myself to be? Working in Banks? Brushing Aircrafts? Planning flights per hour? WHAT.

And then realising, Am I choosing Engineering because it is so generalised? Because if I have gone to Aussie, I would need to stick to THAT ONE career path already.

This is Sherilyn.
Once filled with a clear road ahead of her.
Now met with so much crossroads along the way that she is trying hard to find that road back up.

Waiting for my letter everyday. One by one, someone posts their uni acceptance letter.
how to feel?

When I have made up my mind.
Things might not go according as planned.

And also. I don’t want to leave anyone behind for 4 years.
I can’t say Shame on me this time.
Because I did well and made my choice already.

But moving on, it will be filled with even more obstacles. Much much more.
Dont you just wish this was as easy as applying for your Seven choices of Secondary School?

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