I don’t wish to type any title right now so stop asking me for it.

by limmie

Being the last person around to actually understand. Or probably won’t get it at all.
The thousand and billion thousand of times I have to say this- I am hopeless.

Sweaty palms right now.

I want to do something. But then it is stopping me.
I want to march right up- ask myself what have I been thinking. No, okay that’s lame, I probably won’t know what I am thinking either.
I want to march up and blurt all those words I’ve stopped myself from shitting out. Because I have been so afraid of the outcome.

But turns out, I still feel like the outcome did out-come afterall. And I didn’t get to say what I needed to. BECAUSE I WANT TO. But I can’t. Because I don’t even want to think of waking up to the next morning knowing there’s nothing to look forward to anymore.

I hate this feeling.
Hate with a captial S.

Sherilyn hates.
Still so lame when I am URGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.

What was I thinking last night?
I think the pissed-ness built up.
I think it all actually leads right up to finding a little fault to actually feel upset.

I don’t even know what I just typed.
But I probably wasn’t the only one who felt that way- if it can even be understood.

I am upset with myself for always making the wrong move and end up hurting myself more than anyone else.
I am upset that it’s a wrong love.

HOW AM I GONNA LAST 24 MONTHS WHEN LESS THAN 24 HOURS IS KILLING ME.

Breathe.
Get a grip. 

And come on! Where’s that Strong Sherilyn!
I should be fighting for something that I want.
But I shouldn’t be fighting for something someone else probably doesn’t one.

I guess I can be a Ted and Barney and come up with my own band of The UnWanted.

URGH. I was just being.
Cooped up.
Thinking and feeling down.
And then I had to sar-kay-sm.

I don’t even dare to text, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?, anymore.

#just hit me with your best shot

I cannot understand what I am holding onto.
What have I been holding onto.

Hopes.
It should all just end before it begins.
Should it even begin. And then I don’t even want to think of this.

The next time. I really need to say what I am really thinking and feeling.
This building force in me right now, URGGGGGGGH.

I actually still am hoping one day there will be a change.
Naive with another Capital S.

I don’t want to ever feel like this again.

Hopeless. Because in Sherilyn’s world, it will happen again and again.

Hopeless. I am all burnt up right now.
That’s what I do best, feel stress and fall sick.

Hopeless. And I am thinking of those reliefs that can be popped within minutes.
How am I supposed to deal with this alone? Because there has been so much one-sided thinking all along. Dealing with this, this time,  it only brings me back to playing ball. SMASH THE DAMN BASKET.

Sherilyn is better than this.
Sherilyn and her dinner.
And her not-useful feet that hardening up.

WHO AM I KIDDING.
Pathetic Psychopath, here I am sounding.

Pathetic with a fuck myself. 
Why can’t I just.

Just breathe and. 
And probably never have any sad story to blab about anymore.

because sherilyn is not one who gives up.

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