The Sad Happy Song @ 0207AM
Having watched ‘Courageous’ (it’s a good movie) (it’s quite religious too actually), my last week of intern was probably the most positive.
Anyways, I was led back to this song. It made me think of the one thing I have been pushing back to the back of my head.
(I am done with Uni Applications [wish me luck] and close to done with the necessary essays)
(Things on my list :
-Source for couple more Scholarships
-Go for Observation visits
-Find an internship/ suitable job
-Wait for postings)
(Not so important on my list:
-Finish up Riding
-Movies to clear
-Books to catch up)
And an ungroupable list
-This love needs to head somewhere
I have been pushing this back and back and back. Feeling satisfied at times (YES I AM HONEST WITH MYSELF) that this was sufficient. Us being happy.
But I realised today how there are constraints/ restraints when we are still hovering at this ‘More than Friends, Less than a Couple’ stage.
There are times when I feel like whacking myself for not knowing how to act. There are times when I fear I have crossed this imaginary line. There are times I will feel disappointed for feeling like a ‘not-much-of-an-anybody’.
Wanting to theme him “Mine”, but he cannot be Totally mine. Heartache.
There is so much fear in between. The fear of heartache turning into heartbreak.
I don’t know what to do! I have no wish to sound like I am pushing for a relationship. But I am feeling so comfortable, feeling like something seriously stable is growing, yet I, we cannot affirm it.
Everything feels right, except this.