Post 1 for the Year 00-3 ; that is two-zeroes and one-three

by limmie

Down. Down. Down. All the shots. The first one stinged. The second one came down burning. By the third, my tongue was numb. But it wasn’t asking for more. I thought about my probably under-developed liver. And then shrugged it off. It was New Year’s Eve after all.

And then the games went on. The King’s Cup probably hit us all the worst.
Then the phones buzzed. It should have been just kept at the charging port. I hope Eden had a good time cleaning up his place. My eyes wanted sleep. My head told be to wake up. My legs reminded me I still needed to be home. Physically sober I was. Mentally down I became.

And then a somewhat nap that felt like ten minutes got me up all good.
My resolutions were undone.
But this year felt like I would have the most time to actually carry them all out.

Last year, I refrained from the F-word for the first couple of months.
This year, it came out in the first hour.

Last year, I was ready to tank one bottle.
This year, the self control came (because I needed to soberly walk home) when I saw Tok resisting the night. The control to clear the remaining quarter of the bottle. The guys were there for a reason – to clear it (and then puke likea cong).

Last year, I beared two x (one and three-quarters) months of exercise. Then I hit my target and then got drunk and sick and everything stopped.
This year, I will be a regular bear.

Last year, my lying decreased, my family relation improved, I spent lesser time with my friends.
This year, I have already done the first pangseh of the year. I will continue to be this family person, but the tolerance, the dilemma to speak out will always remain.

Last year, I had two better groups of friend.
This year, I can’t rank them, but I don’t want to lose any of them. Last night got me realising how much I did miss some of them company.
The few of us who gathered last night, they simply take things off my mind, doesn’t feel the shit-i-am-turning-20-pressure when I with these mature kids.

Last year, I lost that one abrupt kiss that didn’t stop.
This year, I don’t want to be under that pain of expectations. So much thoughts, so much hopes, but what is love with no actions and just words?
This year, I will learn how to be a better girl, how can shyness come in?
I thought about the countdown two years back, where this one-guy actually joined my friends and family for countdown with me. Two years later, I don’t want to see the same ending.

I am screaming all the fucks in my head now.
Walking me partially home, how did Eden see through my downness beneath those highness.
It was New year. It IS.

Every year, the same question stays, What Am I doing?
And the answer would be, I don’t know.

But I have no choice this year.
An answer will be generated.

The change for the even-better will arrive.

The pangseh for MJ today will be dedicated to finishing up them reports.
Last month when I told Alex, intern is too draining, he shrugged. I saw how it takes two to keep any relation-friend-ship going. ( last night he surprised me by designing the entire invite up for me. Touched till so touched, it has been some time before someone did anything so thoughtful to me.)

It really takes two.