time to find my pocketful of sunshine. don’t take me away to any sweet escape. take me away to a paradise of calmness. now please.

by limmie

I’m miss autonomy, miss nowhere
I’m at the bottom of me
Miss androgyny, miss don’t care
What I’ve done to me

I am misused, like I wanted to
Be not your slave
Misguided, high-minded, I’m missin the train.

And I don’t know where I’ve been
And I don’t know what I’m into
And I don’t know what I’ve done to me

And as I watch you disappear into the ground
My one mistake was that I never let you down
So I’ll waste my time, and I’ll burn my mind
On miss nothing, miss everything

I’m miss fortune, miss so soon
I’m like a bottle of pain
Miss matter you had her
now she’s goin’ away

I’m miss used, miss cunt-strewed
I don’t need to be saved
Miss slighted, high-minded
I’m stuck in the rain

Neither pretty nor reckless but feeling likea Miss Nothing like PR.
That first person that comes to your mind can’t be found.
The next people that you think of yet becomes so concerned.

It has been months and months and months of nice nights, stressful but not hurtful nights.
It’s wrong to use such words.
You don’t trust people I trust.
The least you could do is trust me.
Not call me insulting names too.

And you who give in expects me to do too.
And the horrible you who comes up with ridiculous expectations you know I can never attain. Yeap, only a stupid me would try to do that.

I’m not raging. I am trying to. It’s overwhelming sadness.
I have to take a long calming bath.

Last night when j and L tried to put me to sleep.
And then the Brother and Sister came in for comfort.
I-cannot-tank. Tank how weak I am.

I rather you slap me in the face. Reduce that overflowing massive amount of stored rage in you. Then use your mouth. It is really. so. bluddy. hurtful. I need lunch now. But it is impossible to walk out in my pathetic condition. Such a weakling. I deserve to be kept in a cell for a day or two and really toughen up my thoughts.

Mission 1: Get this bursting feel out.
Mission 2: Stay plug in and brace myself for the night.
Mission 3: I need to calmly talk things out.

Crybaby shit.