The parents’ girl who wants to be your everything.
I am starting to see mum’s concern.
I saw how my feelings could just rupture so easily.
I blew my eyes this morning with that stare and that minute slam of the gate lock.
We all lack proper communication. You blow all out, I blow inside.
I want to stop thinking that the issues lie with me. But you’re not helping me. I feel so at fault, it IS horrible.
Mum and him are so alike in character. There’s the presence of love that never want to ever let go. But there’s the spike of emotions that will feel fear of disappointment or making them upset. I end up feeling sooooooo choked up that I am all clogged up with mixed emotions and then the stress with my Napfa and Driving and Degree sheets.
My friends are there for me. But it is not everything that I can throw them with.
I turn to my left and that buddy who I can just shoot anything to right now. I just feel horrible.
It is a complicatedly horrible feeling, I seem to have started to realise I can hardly talk to like how we used to. The so much very comfortable feel that we have right now. Just sitting next to you in silence can calm me down in one simple second. And then when our moment is all over, the dread to leave.
Texting is so so so bad. It just shuts my mouth up when I rely so heavily on it. Sometimes the expressions sent are just screwed up.
We can’t be the best friend and more than friends at the same time can we?
I am so vexed I keep telling myself to shut up thinking.
I have to start on Interim, I have to work on HF Project, I should study QSMM soon, I need to clear Napfa well, I have to be done with Riding and worse, I have not source the scholarship I need and work out what I am going to study.
And then these two person I love so much are making my head spin. I don’t want to think that I have had enough. I ain’t this weak to pull the plug. I don’t want any one last kiss.
I just need some understanding and patience.
I am the one blur lost kid taking all the time in my world to figure my life out.
And this world of mine has have to include you and you in.