by limmie

Being unable to voice this out because it will lead to a ‘loss of face’ but fuck care face and shit.

What do you do when you have no money.
What do you do when your three kids ask them from you.
What do you do when you don’t even give them ten bucks when they go out. PI not even a dollar.

So we grew used to it. Only getting them when you’re in a good mood. We stopped asking. Then you took things for granted.
Basic Spectacles. Medicine. Dental. Transport fare. “You pay first, I’ll owe you.”
And recently even the weekly pocket money.

I couldn’t stand it.
I resent you for this.

As much as you being so nice to stay at home and take care of everything. Except the allowances.

All this because of “I still have money”.
You rely on you many shares. That houses in KL.

But So what.
Now what.
I’m down to my last fifty.
I worry about my driving fee.
Stress about failing them because it means a waste of money. I end up failing more. And me wreaking my phone. I can’t send it or repair. Or so you say, “Yet”. I voice about my next 6 months of medical fee. And you say,” Wait laa, still have time.”

I took out some money from the bursary. I gave it to you. I hoped you didn’t gamble with it. But I never hear a word about where them money ended up.

The three of us hinted over a Part Time job. You went,”You want your father to work some more ah.” So we went straight to the point.

Mum may have her ridiculous ideas at times. But no matter how she does it, she pays for our basic needs, and even gives much more extra, till we don’t even wish to take from her.

For the first year aft your retirement. I thought, okay, you know what went wrong, maybe things will get better.

But all that’s done now are hints of whine. Do something about this at least, and not, “Wait till tonight when I strike.”

This part time job of mine is going to close its door soon. I’m wondering where I can even move about with my soon-to-disappear papers.

Last sem, my results didn’t get affected.
Awaiting this monday to arrive, then to judge if internship can be handled w a night job.

Minimal spending done by me already.

Everyone has a flaw. As much as a terrific dad you are, I just loathe this side.

Haven’t seen mum for the past two days. She’s awake I’m asleep. I’m awake she’s at work. I’m home she’s asleep. Thus my peace. Sounds So bad coming from me. But the reason why there is peace is because you don’t want us to quarrel or voice out any unhappiness w Mum. And I believe that this is another problem.

Itz two am.
I’m glad the prata party worked out fine.
And that Dictator movie did lighten up my two very stress weeks. But it was ridiculously funny.

I don’t like holidays.
I spend more. I worry more. I complain even more. I work hard. I play harder. I dont sleep much.

This outburst. Cannot tank.
Longer day tomorrow.
There’s Something about Adeline that warms me up.