I need a new laptop. I need a new haircut. I need a new bank account. I need a new home. I need a new mother. I need a new Sherilyn.
The best part of last night was the taxi ride home. Intoxicated I may have been but super truthful I was. Jiahui got us that trip home, Jelyn input w words, getting to know them better while we bash a certain someone up w our words. ( pretty sure the cab driver wa eavesdropping )
Started the day w tok and law and fong at SUTD. I like the campus and how lessons were made out to be interesting. Tok forever will be busy with his water. Then the trip to smu were we met Renfred and THIS RANDOM STRANGER WHO CAME UP TO ME JELYN N JAMES. We talked for half an hour. With this stranger. This guy PLAYED A GAME W US, and talked to us as if we had known each other FOR AGES. That’s a way to make friends in uni, probably?
Our night in timbre left me a very broke person. 70 bucks was what I drank. 4 pizzas were what we managed. Maybe it was a good thing I had to leave early, hence our very spontaneous trip talk home. I wished it was longer.
But it led me texting super random, but true texts to people who I had been messaging. Wrong time to ever be on my phone. I could have been brutally honest then and there. I caught myself giggling at times while my family was talking to me. I didn’t want to get c-aught. The only thing I was sober enough to do was to sleep. I did. THANKFULLY.
But today sucked. Suck like some huge big tennis ball. My parents and us never have this problem closed or solved.
The screams. The bangs. The no-peaceful-talks or the pause for any explanation. Today was my brother’s turn, w you-know-who. And I got dragged in. Trying to mediate when my dad intervened.
There’s this unexplainable feeling my brother and dad have like how me an my mum have. Always loggerheads.
Today a scissors was brought in. I got Shawn to stay in his room. THEN LIKEA SUPERMAN I KICKED THE SCISSORS UNDER SOME CABINET IN THE STOREROOM. So my problem came.
A glass cabinet door was smashed. It broke. More shouts and screams. I burst out, not talking, but crying. I could no way in a thousand ever years speak human language w my mum. Never on the same talking ground. I gave her a hug when she started tearing WHILE lecturing. It wasn’t reciprocated. At that moment it did feel something. The bond my sister had w my mum can’t possibly be the same bond I share w my mum.
The huge difference in what I thought I has been feeling. At that very moment it felt like I was right. I retreated. Stop all the tears. I can’t stand myself or her.
I wetted ken’s book. That was it.
We can never be totally blissful or ever understand each other.
And back to my slumber. To help the younger sibs when they get into trouble. But a zero need for any explaining of my actions or disagreement. I’ll do what I want, but I won’t argue. A mission I’m very sure I can do. It’s not worth it. Not worth one bit of my time. The victor will be apparent. Even if I’m right.
Three years to 21. I’m not being unfillial. I just cannot sand you. I love you in my own ways. That is enough.
I told her we all needed a counsellor. And now she can’t stop going on about how she doesn’t need one. On and on about counsellor. This doesn’t really prove a point, whatever you’re doing now.
We all suck.
I only know how to have fun. But not known to face any problems. I’m an avoider, not a runner. Sherilyn shall dig a hole and bury her castle now. 😨😰😔