Trepidation

by limmie

For the first time.
I was proven so wrong.

Idk what is in the head of that counsellor.
But it wasn’t that YES GIRL part in me that agreed w him.

All these time I thought of the lamest excuse to escape from problems.
From tonight’s talk, I for sure can deduce he’s mature and I’m still a kid, a kid w all the immature excuses and thoughts.

My worse skill can only be communication.
I choose to run away from things. I don’t speak out. Then I find a billion reasons to cover my track.

I chose to ignore my mum. I had a choice not to learn from dad. At the end of the day, they still have their talks somehow, while I don’t.
There was one sentence that struck me the most. I need to show that they can treat me like an adult. (Maybe not so adult but older. Okay just get the drift.)

Step One.
To sit down and have A talk. I need to make sure emotions are under control FIRST.

Step Two.
I know Dad will be against be doing this. I have to ensure him, it will JUST be a talk.

Step Three.
Man up. And stop getting pushed around. Come tomorrow, this shall begin! Idk how fast I can adapt, but this communication barrier that I have, needs to be gone. I will try and I shall succeed in telling people NO in the face. AND IF I GOT A PROBLEM WITH YOU, YOU WILL KNOW IT FROM ME AND NOT FROM ANYONE ELSE. I need to do this right.

Three things to do.
My courage is killing me.
Feeling like a real loser now.
This sucks.
I have to try.
And be serious at correct times.
Because I realize that too that schoolmates find me childish. And when people don’t know me, they’ll just think I’m being rude.

That was Not much the point.
Too being used to living simply that I don’t even know why I’m becoming a rage queen.

First thing first. Catch mum at a correct time. I hope that can be ASAP. I hope she has nothing on tomorrow. Then I’ll be able to peacefully work my RTT out. It’s in two days and again, I’m scared.

The worse thing today is having my weakness spelt out.
The best thing today was knowing my weakness shall be countered.
That one moment when you realize your friend’s right and then have nothing to say.THAT’S NORMAL.
That one moment when your friend’s right, you have nothing to say, and he offers solutions. THAT’S touching.

Close to tears. I hope I don’t have to try all these talks again. Two solid hours. It won’t be a waste of anybody’s time.

Tomorrow I try.
Today started off badly, w the fury look when she learns I wont be back after school for tennis.

I really hope she won’t see this as a fight first.

I couldn’t say this just now but, Thanks Ben.

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