Stung by Steng
Not being emo or anything. BUT HOW.
Relationship noob. Friendship noob. How do I admit I just have self-esteem issue?
Behind all my loud laughters, my confidence level is hardly satisfactory.
Yesterday BBQ was a huge success. Minimum charcoal usage, awesome Sherilyn Fan, and just enough food for all, EVERYTHING WAS COOKED PROPERLY! Cause we had a good manager Duncan, good chef Tingwei and Yiinghuey, good advisor Ken, good food manager Jane, good slacker KC, good injured boy MX and best fanner Sherilyn.
The night was a little too long for some. By 1, everyone except me and Ken had KO. At 3am, one short scary trip to Cheers (those still awake outside had you-know-what scary aura), we cleared a tub of B&J and a single cup of wine. It has been some time since I last TALKED to someone, TALKED not over any technology. It felt good. What felt missing was Pearly. But that’s okay! I do foresee upcoming nights of icecream!
Damn the rain, we gave WWW a miss. TEN TICKETS OF THEM. GET WELL SOON MX, his leg swelled horribly.
By 8, I was on my way home with KC. By 9, I was ready for some game. By 10, I was freaking myself out. By 12, I am just done w all those IL.
I really. I don’t know if they are excuses or not, THIS REALLY HUGE WAVE OF FEAR. I can’t even describe.
The fear I will lose a friend. The fear of knowing someone KNOWING MY feelings, feelings I am so afraid of.
I have yet to grow up, have I?
The problem really lies in admittance. Zero gut in admitting.
I know it’s nothing. But that one time when I admitted, got ZERO respond, couldn’t read his actions, and yet still hung out w him 5 days a week. That was a real loser feel.
Sleep needs me. Happily thought practical ain’t for me tomorrow.
Good night everyone. Please have a good night like me, Limsy.
PS the word STENG is just really scary now.