I was to have the time of my life. Was.
No one would actually believe any of my crap tales.
But the freaking facts are not tales. Even if I were to recite all these happenings to myself, I would find myself absurd and nonsensical.
Bluddy freaking piece of shit.
I am in NO position to use such words on her, but this rage mode is seriously too fury.
Let’s see where we left off, ME getting pretty excited to go for K w my classmates and then for D’s party. Yesterday was a happy occasion. We sang we crapped we lepak, that was simple shit. Simple FUN LOVING EASY INNOCENT DEEDS.
It was my fault for not answering calls. BUT that was because I knew what was to happen did I bring my phone along w me. The CONSTANT CALLS and UNNECESSARY SPAMS, WTFTFTFTF, who would actually enjoy themselves under this occasional disturbance? I really mean this, DISTURBANCE.
I understand the CARE AND CONCERN, but it is OVER THE TOP. Not that I did NOT mention these to you before, it ended up w a fat smack, but SERIOUSLY.
Some gut feeling of mine feels YOU are TOO FREE, so you OFTEN let your mind run while. Anyone can get ticked by the timebomb at any time.
I did not get locked out yesterday, but it was no better. I did what my Dad did best, ignore. everything. It pissed her off so much. I did not talk back, I kept silent, she went on and on. I went to sleep peacefully.
It did not end there.
Good morning world, I woke up to rubbish lunch, purposefully left with dishes to wash, told of how I ain’t like my sister, I brushed everything off. With a gawddamn smile.
My com was made to shut down. My phone was made to kept off. I blasted my speakers. I sound like some rebellious kid, but I HELD MY RESPECT.
And then I opened my mouth. NOT a mistake, but a choice. It ain’t a wrongdoing, BECAUSE I HAD TO.
So the words she had been holding in, HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND BEAT YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR FATHER. -exact words of hers- WAITING FOR YOU TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND YOUR FATHER TO SIDE YOU SO I WILL FIGHT HIM IN FRONT OF YOU.
IN WHAT FARKING WAY DOES THIS NOT SOUND CHILDISH AT ALL? I ain’t no mature shit but this sounds like someone who enjoys picking up fights. Still-Standing arguments w my dad’s brother and sisters, her brother and sister, her support group and they never stop.
I don’t like this. I ain’t even asking for it. The problem to begin with ain’t even because of my late returns or unanswered calls. It simply is a problem with herself.
Today’s adventure? A smack in the nose, repeated slaps, she pulled my hair, (LIKE FARKING SHIT A COMB OF MY HAIR WAS PULLED OUT.), she smashed my laptop w my phone, and the best hit today, Emptying her trash can on me before slamming that bluddy pail on my head. Oh, and the sudden twisting of my ear?
All I did was stare. Stare at all these shitloads.
Here I can be, peacefully doing my own work, and all of the sudden her big obnoxious hole will open and yak, the more words get out, the rage-er she gets, OVER PIECES OF NOTHINGS OR PAST MISDEEDS. The rage gets so high that without warning, attacks are spewed. Then there is peace, as long as i stay rooted to my place, no movements no talks.
Then the second flow comes. This is worse than any dota or starcraft. The power of her multitasking, doing work she calls STUDYING, (I have zero respect for her job. Not being rude.) one moment she is typing away, the next her mouth opens again, the vicious cycle of rage and attacks repeats, only that this time it gets more violent and hurtful.
After reading all this bullcrap, do you even believe all this can happen?
On the outside we look like some happy family, but it’s a simple facade that she has created. Our family outings can start off happy, and the insistence of taking family pictures, it’s to save her face.
Our family will fall apart, if not for Dad. I detest the way he gives in. It keeps everyone together on the outside, but everyone ain’t feeling any happy on the inside.
It is so wrong. So wrong to even have three kids when your mentality has not grown up one bit.
Selfish and Egoistic. You did your part in making us happy, but all these only depends on your mood.
I feel like some asshole bastard for even typing all these out.
But somehow, to even tell anyone all this crap, I not only feel like a burden, but I want neither attention nor sympathy. It is understanding and trust I need. I have no wish to scare my friends away with all this unnecessary dramas.
I put on a happy front everyday. And I know you hate this side of me.
I can stay an optimist in any way, but the pessimistic side of you can hardly say anything good.
You compare, you really rage w attacks, you have weird suspicions and the way you treat and see people.
I really wish I can say I detest you. I have so been feeling this way.
You’re my gawdamn mother.